If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
