i permit you to call me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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