I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
