there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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