I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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