.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
