So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
