So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
