You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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