are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
