my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
