So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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