Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
