I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
