I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
