Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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