Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
