i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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