you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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