cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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