he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize