??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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