My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
