is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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