Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
