whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
