the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
