What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
cat food counts as protein by the way
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
