she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
