I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
