Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
