I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
