i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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