i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We have started to decorate penises.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
