You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
