I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
