we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
