Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
