After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
