I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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