my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
