Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
