Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize