My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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