I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
