Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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