All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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