Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
