Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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