dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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