There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
