At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
