i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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