He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
worst night to have a conscience
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
