I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
