Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
