Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
