I wish I could teleport
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
