What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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