Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
