WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
