My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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