I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
