and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
