i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
