i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
