is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
