Don't make out with my wife yet
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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