Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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