I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
