phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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