Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
