what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
